Dark for a second. I think I closed my eyes, open them and the room spins back into focus. Tightness in the chest.
"Are you ok? I'm sorry!"
I debate for a second. Am I really ok?
"Yeah, yeah I'm ok."
Do I lie there or get up? Do I want to just be down here, and let others see how I've fallen or do I just get back up and do it again? I didn't know falling could be so bad, I mean the surface below my feet was thickly padded. I should be fine right? She didn't mean to foot sweep me so bad, you see, she's used to it, been doing it for years now. Me? I'm just a beginner.
I stand up, quicker than I thought I could, and immediately feel a slight pain in my neck. It isn't bad, not even something I'd take a Tylenol for. Those stupid tears well up though. Annoying. Does anyone see?? I don't want to make a fuss, I'm really ok. So we start again.
She pretends she's going to cut me with the fake knife in the hand, I quickly pull the knife hand away, build my wall, step beyond her, press my calf to hers and sweep...down she goes, and I get the fake knife from her hand.
By the end of class, I was letting her sweep me again, but slowly. I learned something. Sometimes we need to learn how to fall. Life throws stuff at you. I'm a military spouse, so yeah, things get thrown at you with very little warning. My father recently passed, and it hurt bad. Stuff happens.
You get thrown down.
You get the wind knocked out of you.
The world can spin and feel like you've lost all control.
You have two choices.
- One, stay down there. Let it take over and keep spinning you with little air left to breathe.
- Two. Get up.
Tears might come or they might be dashed away. Your head might hurt.
The first choice you are stuck. You can't move, you can't go on to the next thing, you have no control. Do you even want the control?
The second choice, you go on, you move. You take control and take action.
By taking action, you can move on. You can grow. You can learn. Yeah, it hurts. It's a good reminder though, it's ok to fall, cause you can get back up.
Better yet, learn how to fall so you can get up quicker. I will be spending some time doing just that. Literally and figuratively.
My Krav Maga teacher said this, "if you have a wall in front of you, what are you going to do? Let it be there, walk away? No!!! You're gonna blow a hole through it!"
I blew a hole through it.
Five months ago, I would've just laid there, literally. Cried. Not even tried to get up. This time, I got up, and blew a hole through what I had done before.
Everyday, I'm stronger.
Everyday I am more confident. Everyday, I'm gonna get up when I fall.
And everyday, I will Blow a hole through the walls before me.
What are you gonna do?
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